Name ID 1179
Extract Author: Valentine Marc Nkwame
Extract Date: 13/08/2001
In the section of the Arusha Times called Dark Side
Some where between Cape Town and Cairo, there is this little town that has unpredictable weather, brown tarmac roads and a municipal council.
The town is extremely dusty at the moment, but that’s because the rains have stopped, otherwise it could have been extremely muddy.
The town is also very dirty at the moment, but it is not always like that..... sometimes it gets even worse!
However, there are no diseases in that town, that is apart from: Malaria, Tuberculosis, Typhoid fever, Cholera, Skin diseases, Measles, Worms, Rashes, Boils, Hypertension, Influenza, gout, Rabies, Jiggers, Constipation.....!
But the town still has a number of hospitals, all of which, are fully stocked with enough medicine, capable of curing any disease except, those mentioned above.
Hospital services are also very, very good, in that town. Both doctors and nurses are very “patient” with “patients”. They never insult them..... Well, not at midnight any way!
No criminal can ever be spotted in this little, utopian town maybe that’s why local police men keep on arresting innocent citizens.....After all, they surely must do some work.
As I told you, the town is the world’s most safest haven, though there is yet another part of it which is even safer.
That very safe area, of an even safer town, situated between Cape and Cairo, is known as..... Njiro! Good gracious.
At Njiro you can even sleep outside your house and no harm will ever come your way. The trouble comes when you try to sleep INSIDE!!
Between Cape and Cairo, there is also a timber factory, which instead of producing timber, it produces a river of dark water that flows freely into areas where people normally live.
The generous timber factory, never charge these people for this unique liquid.....See ? I told you, the town is a good example of an utopian state. Never mind that the liquid is being offered against the people's wishes.
It is believed that; a few centuries ago, three aliens landed in that town which is situated between Cape town and Cairo. In fact, their immortalized figures, can clearly be seen at one of the town’s round about.
Meanwhile, the unidentified flying saucer (UFO), by which the aliens flew into the town, can also be viewed at.....Well, yet another round about in town (to be precise, the largest round about in that town).
For some reason, the alien’s flying saucer keeps on sprouting water.....Water is a rare commodity in this town, by the way!
As I told you, the town has a municipal council, made up of very sane (not) people, whose sole purpose is ensure that the town is kept very clean (not) and undergoes fast Devil elopement (They pronounce it as: Development).
As for the town’s brown roads, it’s because the company that was hired to construct them, used treacle and molasses, instead of tar and gravel.
The craters carved in those roads, are actually the result of people scooping the sweet tasting molasses from the roads then using it as sugar, for their teas.....Come to think of it, treacle is also reported to be very handy in brewing that illegal gin known as Gong-gong!
Anyway, just for the records, sugar happens to be a very rare and expensive commodity in that town, mainly because of a certain guy known as Simba (not from the Lion King Movie), who apparently.....Okay! Let’s face it, I don’t know exactly what did this Simba guy do, but everybody seem to be blaming him, so I am also following suit.
Some where in the middle of Cape and Cairo, there are fleets of blue labeled vehicles with blue number plates, that move at speeds of light and the vehicle drivers are all “licensed to kill,” just like James Bond.
Speaking of light, thick clouds normally make this town dark, during the day, while another epitome known as TANESCO or something, makes it dark during the night.
In other words, the only place where people can’t tell the difference between Day and Night, is in this town which is..... situated between Cape and Cairo!
By the way, the town normally goes to sleep a few minutes before six in the evening!